


To Put it Bluntly

by kitausu



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Campy, Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 01:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitausu/pseuds/kitausu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon goes home with Stiles for thanksgiving to meet his boyfriend and family...and Stiles may have warned him but that could not have prepared him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Put it Bluntly

To put it bluntly, Simon was confused, like really fucking completely out of his mind confused. When he had agreed to come home with his roommate Stiles for Thanksgiving because his family was too far away, he hadn’t expected well _this._ To be fair to Stiles, he had warned him…sort of.

“Okay dude, so we are going to my boyfriend’s house for Thanksgiving because it is the only place big enough to house everyone, plus he just likes to be in control so whatever.” Stiles paused to look at him as if confirming that this was okay.

“Stiles, you know I’m not homophobic, I don’t know why you keep telling me that it is your boyfriend’s house. I got it, it’s all fine.” Simon replied, his voice heavy with exasperation because seriously…what even.

“Yeah alright but there is more…like a lot more. There is going to be my dad, and his new wife who is the mom of my childhood best friend, Scott. Then Scott’s boyfriend Isaac, and his girlfriend Allison with her best friend Lydia and her boyfriend Jackson who is bringing his boyfriend Danny. Also Isaac (who is my baby, seriously) is with Erica and Boyd who are all in some sort of weird threesome that we don’t question because it makes sense. Then finally we have Allison’s dad Chris, who is married to my boyfriend’s uncle, Peter. Got it?” Stiles’ asked, his eyes flicking only slightly in his direction as he navigated the bumpy road leading to the house.

“Actually…no…I didn’t get any of that. Um…slower…and with more detail might help?” Simon tried to hide the unconscious gesture of actually pushing his jaw closed with the back of his hand.

“Haha okay okay, one more time. Derek is my boyfriend.” Stiles drawled, his words exaggeratedly slow as he teased Simon for what he perceived to be a simple web.

“Yeah alright smartass, I got that much.” Simon punched his arm slightly, careful not to jostle the steering wheel as they pulled up in front of a fucking _mansion._

“Dude this house…”

“Is huge yeah, okay, let me run through this one more time. Derek is my boyfriend, Scott is my best friend and has been sense we were small. His girlfriend’s name is Allison, and his boyfriend’s name is Isaac. Allison and Isaac are not really dating though they cuddle and are very sweet with each other. Allison’s dad is married to Derek’s uncle Peter. Isaac is in a threesome relationship with Erica and Boyd. Lydia and Allison have been known to make out, but Lydia’s boyfriend is Jackson. Jackson has another boyfriend named Danny who is definitely not dating Lydia as he is very gay. My dad is also married to Scott’s mom. Um…better.” The look of blank confusion Simon was about 173% sure he was sporting told Stiles, that nope, he definitely didn’t get it.

“I think I’m just going to wing it. Putting faces to names might help.” Simon grimaced as Stiles just laughed at him then promptly fell out of the Jeep when a dark haired muscular man yanked open the door and pulled him out of his seat.

“Derek what the mmmmphhh…. _oh…_ okay, _yeah.”_ Stiles moaned deep in his throat as the man pressed him firmly against the side of the Jeep and practically ravished him.

Simon had been living with Stiles since late August. They had watched all the extended edition Lord of the Rings films, and geeked out about the Avengers. He had even heard the way his voice softened and dropped any time he got a call from home. But he had never seen him flirt, never even make a singular sexual noise, expression, nothing. So this, this was…fucking weird is what it was.

“Derek Derek Derek, stop okay stop.” Stiles was laughing, giggling as he tried to duck out of his boyfriend’s grip.

Simon had to admit he was startled by the low feral _growl_ that rumbled through the metal of the car.

“Down boy, down!” Stiles, laughed before popping his head back into the car with the biggest smile Simon had ever seen splitting his cheeks.

“You coming or what? I promise sourwolf over here isn’t nearly as frightening as he sounds.” Stiles yelped, as Derek yanked him away from the window with a muttered, _Stiles._

He hopped out of the Jeep warily, the rest of Stiles’ family filtering out of the house with their eyes trained halfway on him.

“Simon I assume!” a man somewhat older than Derek bounded forward, his dark hair flopping slightly in his eyes as he extended his hand for a shake.

“Hi, uh yeah. Simon, that’s me. You must be Peter?” Peter’s grin broadened exponentially, if that was even possible.

“Yup, Stiles told you about me I guess. Nothing good I hope. “ He winked jauntily before pulling forward another man that may or may not have made Simon’s balls crawl back through sheer intimidation.

“This is my husband Chris.” Chris Argent allowed himself to be tugged closer, his ice blue eyes glinting dangerously, his handshake felt more like a warning than a welcome to Simon.

“It’s nice to meet you Simon. I hope you’ve been treating Stiles’ well.” Okay ouch, yeah, it would probably take a couple moments for the blood to return to his crushed fingers.

The only conciliation was that Peter managed to look slightly contrite on his husband’s behalf (though admittedly he predominantly just looked turned on by the show of strength).

He turned to go back over to Stiles but stopped dead when he found him wrapped around another dark haired man that was definitely not Derek. In fact Derek was standing beside them, his hand resting at the small of Stiles’ back and looking all the world like it was completely normal for his boyfriend to be grinding up on some other dude. When they finally did pull apart, Stiles just sank back into Derek’s side with a happy little sigh.

“So I take it you missed me?” the other dark haired guy just laughed, leaning forward to press another quick kiss against Stiles’ already bruised lips.

“Scott! Stop hogging Stiles!” a curly haired boy of about the same age shoved past before pulling Stiles into what looked all the world like a spine crushing bear hug.

Judging by the way Scott pulled him under his arm to match the dark haired girl on his right it was pretty easy to assume they were Isaac and Allison. Which still left about a billion people sitting on the porch, ready to intimidate Simon into submission, or so it felt.

“Stiles, come here!” A girl with wavy blonde hair whined, her head resting heavy on her boyfriend (?)’s shoulder.

“Erica and Boyd, lazy as ever.” Stiles blew a raspberry but Erica just laughed stretching her legs and taking up the remainder of the space on the porch swing that she and Boyd were occupying.

Stiles did pause to kiss a couple on the porch that could only be Lydia and Jackson before giving Erica and Boyd equally damp loud kisses on each cheek. To be honest he was so busy watching Stiles, trying to figure out the entire everything that he nearly jumped out of his skin when Scott suddenly clapped him on the back.

“Hey what’s up man? You must be Simon! I’m Scott!” he offered his free hand, also known as the one currently not pressing five little bruises into the center of his back.

He took the hand, grateful for the lack of a repeat performance of the death grip Chris had given him just minutes earlier. Scott’s lips were bitten red and shining with lingering saliva as he leaned close and Simon tried like hell not to think too hard about that. And maybe he was thinking a little to much about not thinking because he definitely stumbled a bit when Isaac bounded over and wrapped his hands around his biceps and peered curiously into Simon’s eyes.

“Simon. I’m Isaac. Just letting you know, I totally get how crazy our family is. It is totally okay to freak out.” He sounded so serious, his expression so earnest that Simon actually giggled in relief.

“Yeah man, I admit, I’m a little freaked out. Stiles always said Derek was possessive then I look over and see Stiles making out with Scott…dude I thought there was going to be a fight for a second.” Simon continued to giggle for a moment, not noticing the silence until it was suddenly gone and filled with laughter from almost everyone in the yard.

“Man Simon, you’re funny. That’s totally different. Scott is _Scott._ He’s Derek’s second, Stiles childhood best friend, of course they are close like that.” Isaac laughed, wrapping his arm around Simon and pulling him towards the porch.

It was in that moment that Simon realized something very important. He had fallen through the looking glass and everyone here was definitely, certifiably mad. At least he had his Captain America boxers on so he could die like a man. 

**Author's Note:**

> Not exactly what I had planned when I started this, but if I did not finish it now, I never would have. 
> 
> xx


End file.
